Saturday, April 28, 2007
haha..its pretti amusing how everithing i know= everithing everione knows. n everithing everione knows = wad i will know. why is this taking so long to get used to? haha. i guess im pretti dumb. its funni tho..sometimes i enjoy laughing @ how dumb i am. haha..im preti stupid actualli - i think everione knows that but i just keep insisiting im smart v_v [no worries guys, i just say that to make myself feel better] haha..oh well. i wonder how i can be so stubborn n slow. slow to change for the better. n quick to change for the worse. n i find it funni how. i do things that hurt myself n i find myself getting bothered by the littliest stuff. n i guess. im realli disappointed @ myself. haha..why do i become so stopid. how come i can be so determine to get good marks n then work my ass off just for my A- but the things that need more attention than good marks, i dun work n force myself to get over it. haha..quite dumb huh? but wad to do. im still trying hard..its just - im kinda slow i guess o_o hopefulli ppl arnd mi is more patient than i am. haha. but if u get mad @ my slowness to change or stubborness - i understand :) bcuz im realli mad @ myelf too.
alright. enuff abt that. it was Dad's grad today! it was fun n im realli glad he's graduating...hopefulli he n momi will be able to go calgary n be able to serve wholeheartedly there :) n hopefulli momi will be happier with me. sigh. another thing that is killing me. haha..i duno la. so fan. cant realli blog much abt it cuz dun realli know how to explain..i guess in summary - i can nv live up to her expectations or i cld also say, im not a good daughter? its not like i dun want to. i just. i duno. wad she wants is just. i duno.
so yea. its the curse after exams. all my other personal problems come rolling in. haha but i dun think its a curse..its more like. i brought it upon myself - Effie always delay stuff when exams come so once its over, problems "start" coming. which i guess if i dealt with it earlier, it wld have been much better. God, pls make mi smarter soon..n definetly a better person..
haha duno why. i feel like im failing as a person lateli...like, im not doing anithing right..n i have so much weaknesses n bad things. i feel like crap. but wad to do? i failed @ relationships. with that person, with my mom..n prolli even the ppl closest to me. i bet its hard for them to stand me too. sorry all. i cant stand my dumbness too..haha see. now i feel kinda negetive? i duno if i am la. i just wanna be a better person...but it just seems so hard.
am i doing anithing right? i hope God's not too disappointed with me. no worries guys, i didnt kill anione or do anithing majorly wrong. i just feel like i failed as a person, as a Christian. but i realli do wanna be a better person...a better daughter, a better friend, a better sister, a better Effie
alright. enuff abt that. it was Dad's grad today! it was fun n im realli glad he's graduating...hopefulli he n momi will be able to go calgary n be able to serve wholeheartedly there :) n hopefulli momi will be happier with me. sigh. another thing that is killing me. haha..i duno la. so fan. cant realli blog much abt it cuz dun realli know how to explain..i guess in summary - i can nv live up to her expectations or i cld also say, im not a good daughter? its not like i dun want to. i just. i duno. wad she wants is just. i duno.
so yea. its the curse after exams. all my other personal problems come rolling in. haha but i dun think its a curse..its more like. i brought it upon myself - Effie always delay stuff when exams come so once its over, problems "start" coming. which i guess if i dealt with it earlier, it wld have been much better. God, pls make mi smarter soon..n definetly a better person..
haha duno why. i feel like im failing as a person lateli...like, im not doing anithing right..n i have so much weaknesses n bad things. i feel like crap. but wad to do? i failed @ relationships. with that person, with my mom..n prolli even the ppl closest to me. i bet its hard for them to stand me too. sorry all. i cant stand my dumbness too..haha see. now i feel kinda negetive? i duno if i am la. i just wanna be a better person...but it just seems so hard.
am i doing anithing right? i hope God's not too disappointed with me. no worries guys, i didnt kill anione or do anithing majorly wrong. i just feel like i failed as a person, as a Christian. but i realli do wanna be a better person...a better daughter, a better friend, a better sister, a better Effie
Friday, April 06, 2007
so yes..decided to do my monthly bloggin' :p haha..just de sudden urge 2 blog. yup. its finalli the long weekend. the long weekend b4 final exams o_O gwahhhh!! so scary..i duno, i feel like im veri unprepared this time..maybe cuz im still "playing" this weekend which makes mi feel tremendousli guilty n awful but i just keep telling meself that ->after this sunday, its pure studying till finals. which isnt that far off aniways =l i guess just realli gotta start my strict disapline on myself once more! haha..yup. tonite we had our 3rd cellgrp nite since Jan :) haha actualli pretti proud of meself la. altho i cld have done more persuation n a little bit more as a leader - im glad all the meetings "happened" all 3 times..altho it ALMOST got cancelled today. was kinda scary but realli thanks to my loyal members who has showed up ALL 3 times : David + Ken Ken! *round of applause for them!* haha kristi will be the next in line to beat their record! but yea..im glad they showed up la.. altho im not the best cellgrp leader there is - still learning, still learning o.o Lee house was sooo good man..i dun even rememebr it being so good the last time i came! haha..the food was soo yummi n we had so much! worth $15 for sure ;) n went for bbt after..so it was a 'complete' meal..haha..david n trista left for karoke so it was another one of those good chatting times :)
yep. so..its almost done University huh? so fast.. i guess it was memorable! dun realli wana comment much on the 1st sem but 2nd sem sure flew past super duperly fast! which was good of course. hk felt nearer n nearer each week! yoohoo! haha..n now im just praying that i'll focus n do moi veri best n make miself proud of miself ^-^ haha..KAMBATEI!!!! i liked this sems. haha i did. i did..got to learn alot abt other ppl..last sems was more abt learning abt moiself..so it kinda sucked. haha..but was good too la - in other ways of course. n yeah! we're watching blades of glory soon! soo excited! hopefulli it'll be a good n funni movie! n im so hapi ken's getting baptized! pray that he'll keep growing n learning more each day la..
hmm..school exams scare moi..esp chem. i realli needa understand wads going on cuz i HAVE to do well for the final - its worth a fricking 45%!!! WAH!!! same with stats! gotta buck up n start my revising!!!! bio is hard too..=l ok la..i shd stop scaring myself. just work hard miffy!!! do ur best la!!! as long as u've give ur best - u know that's the best u cld have gotten so u wun regret..haha kinda live with that thought..wad ever u do - do to the best of ur ability n to the best decision u can make at THAT moment. so that next time..no matter the result. u can tell urself "i've tried my best at that moment n i couldnt have done ani better..becuz at that point - i did all i cld have done". then. there will be no room for regrets. becuz u did all u cld n there's nothing to blame but just the fate of things :)
so as per usual. there's always a short blurt abt it. for some reason. habit i guess :p no worries. will be gone soon! [ felt like i've been saying that for quite some time tho >.>] haha its gone off to the countryside. im glad. i just wanna be frens...n i realli hope that this friendship will last :) n be cherished. till then! tata!!! its off to nerdy mode for a few weeks !! YIPEEEE!!!!
yep. so..its almost done University huh? so fast.. i guess it was memorable! dun realli wana comment much on the 1st sem but 2nd sem sure flew past super duperly fast! which was good of course. hk felt nearer n nearer each week! yoohoo! haha..n now im just praying that i'll focus n do moi veri best n make miself proud of miself ^-^ haha..KAMBATEI!!!! i liked this sems. haha i did. i did..got to learn alot abt other ppl..last sems was more abt learning abt moiself..so it kinda sucked. haha..but was good too la - in other ways of course. n yeah! we're watching blades of glory soon! soo excited! hopefulli it'll be a good n funni movie! n im so hapi ken's getting baptized! pray that he'll keep growing n learning more each day la..
hmm..school exams scare moi..esp chem. i realli needa understand wads going on cuz i HAVE to do well for the final - its worth a fricking 45%!!! WAH!!! same with stats! gotta buck up n start my revising!!!! bio is hard too..=l ok la..i shd stop scaring myself. just work hard miffy!!! do ur best la!!! as long as u've give ur best - u know that's the best u cld have gotten so u wun regret..haha kinda live with that thought..wad ever u do - do to the best of ur ability n to the best decision u can make at THAT moment. so that next time..no matter the result. u can tell urself "i've tried my best at that moment n i couldnt have done ani better..becuz at that point - i did all i cld have done". then. there will be no room for regrets. becuz u did all u cld n there's nothing to blame but just the fate of things :)
so as per usual. there's always a short blurt abt it. for some reason. habit i guess :p no worries. will be gone soon! [ felt like i've been saying that for quite some time tho >.>] haha its gone off to the countryside. im glad. i just wanna be frens...n i realli hope that this friendship will last :) n be cherished. till then! tata!!! its off to nerdy mode for a few weeks !! YIPEEEE!!!!
